FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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