Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
false alarm, still single
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
