is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
