Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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