a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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