My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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