Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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