"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
