I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The beers last night were like the tears from god
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
