i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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