We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
