she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
