I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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