This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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