There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
