How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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