You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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