I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
