she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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