If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
