Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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