Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
