We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
