she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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