We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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