So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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