Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
