Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
you are never too drunk for berry picking
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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