It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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