Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
