don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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