btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
