Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
