My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
this will be a night to untag.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
