How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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