So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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