she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
