Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
honey bunches of taint.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
