i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
