my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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