well I can't set my house on fire every night
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
