it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
