WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish I could punch you in the face.
the condom got lost in my hair
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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