Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
