the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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