So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
