im gay
i know
yea but for you.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
