after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
