Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
