quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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