Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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