I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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