My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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