He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
