i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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