LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
