I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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