this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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