I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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