what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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