2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We're too hungover to prance.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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