How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
