you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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