WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
