So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
