Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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