Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
