why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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