it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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