i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
