Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
