I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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