I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
