I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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