all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
