I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
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I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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